A teacher once asked her class to write down The Seven Natural Wonders of the World. The answer for which she was looking would have been the Grand Canyon, Niagara Falls, Mount Everest, etc. However, one insightful little girl gave an even more appropriate answer: To touch, to taste, to see, to hear, to feel, to laugh and finally and most importantly…to LOVE…!!
The natural wonder of love is by far the most important, beautiful and fulfilling. There is nothing greater than the special camaraderie with someone you love. It is that easy chair kind of comfort that goes hand in hand with trust. It should be encompassed by a gentle flowing understanding and acceptance.
Unfortunately, the emotion of love can be complex and painful…that is, only if you allow it! Catch an episode of Jerry Springer and you’ll see love (if you can call it that) at its worst and most unattractive. It’s an unhealthy, possessive love that can manifest itself in extreme unhappiness…only if you allow it, I repeat.
There is, however, a healthy way to love that is far more rewarding and nurturing. The key is to enter a relationship with your own sense of wholeness. The job of “your happiness” is solely up to you and only you. In Scott Peck’s book, “The Road Less Traveled,” there is a chapter appropriately titled “Love is Separateness.” He says, “It is the separateness of the partners that enriches the union. Genuine love not only respects the individuality of the other, but actually seeks to cultivate it.”
The secret is for couples to have full knowledge of their own intrinsic value that can aid them in being more valuable to others. It would naturally follow that when two content, strong people come together in love the relationship would then be rooted in healthiness and positivity. There is far more hope for a loving longevity.
Another meaningful point is that love cannot be defined as the ownership of someone. There is a misconception that possessiveness is equated with love. But there is no room for growth when you’re being grasped and held too tightly. Some people believe that dependency is love. Dr. Peck says, “in actuality it is not love; it is a form of anti-love. It nourishes infantilism rather than growth. Ultimately, it destroys rather than builds relationships.”
Another unhealthy falsehood of love is in believing the concept that love has to be proven to you by your partner. Don’t be under the mistaken impression that real love is synonymous with the bigger, better and most expensive gifts. Be content in the simplicity and security of just “being loved.” The relationship would be one of pure enjoyment of each other without unnecessary expectations and pressure.
I have a friend who has been married to her husband for several decades. They have busy work schedules, but she says that every day when closing time is near, she gets so excited knowing that she gets to go home to her husband who is anticipating her arrival, as well. This type of healthy excitement of being content to be in the company of the one you love is the essence and the foundation for real, true love. It is not engulfed in superficial needs and expectations…just the beautiful simplicity of having your loved one beside you!
Hunter Darden-buy personalized copies of my books by scrolling to the top of this site and clicking on the link or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.